While many people make a long list of new year resolutions, one of the most important things you can do to help propel you forward in this new year is not to make resolutions, but instead just take actions. Small steps lead to big steps, however, it is usually focused steps that get us where we want to be in life. Many of my clients come to me with an array of issues and problems they are facing in their lives. Many of these problems stem from stress or stressors in their life. The funny thing is that these stressors usually can be linked to a few key people in your life. These people I call toxic sources, they might not be bad people, they might genuinely love and care about you, or they might be trying to manipulate you. No matter the reasons behind the source, if you can limit or get rid of this toxic energy in your life, you’ll be much better off and will see your life improve significantly even in a short amount of time.
Below, I’ve listed the best ways I know to truly identify and help limit toxic sources in your life so you can move towards a healthy and successful year ahead.
Identify the Toxic Source – Think about it, what are the main things that stress you out? List them out right now and I’ll bet you find a couple of close friends, a spouse or partner, or a family member in the mix. Once again I’m not saying this person is entirely a bad person, but for whatever reason they are not a healthy person for you to be around, or you haven’t yet figured out how to work with them without getting stressed. Once you have identified the toxic source you need to think about why you keep this source around. Maybe it’s a family member and as they say we can’t choose our family. Or maybe it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend that you just love and feel like is going through a rough time right now (which they very well could be), but remember at this stage in the game we are trying to identify toxic sources to you and why you keep them around.
What Toxic Is Doing For and To You – Once you have identified the source you need to consider why they are toxic for you, what is their presence or drama doing to you. Are you getting caught up in too much of their life and problems? Or are you sacrificing so much of yourself to be with them? Are you just unhappy or stressed out whenever they are around? All of these signs are your body’s way of telling you not to be near someone, or to put boundaries up around the experiences you have with them as to not harm your well being, so you need to consider this.
Create Healthy Boundaries – If the person who is of toxic nature to you is someone like a mother or other family member that just wants to be involved in everything in your life, note their intentions are good but their actions might not be helpful. If you can explain the situation to them and help to get some healthy perspective and healing to make the situation better for both of you go for it. If not, you might want to create healthy boundaries which can include the topics you discuss, the time spent, or anything else you need to feel safe and good when you are with this person. This way you can still be with the person who is the cause of stress and gleam a healthy relationship out of the experience, but you’re not going to get yourself caught up in the process, leaving everything on a much healthier note.
Cut Ties With Toxic – Some people like unhealthy boyfriends or girlfriends, or even just friends will need to be let go completely. Again it might be because they have their own mental health struggles they are dealing with, or that they might be a sociopath. Maybe they just had a really rough upbringing and weren’t taught any better on how to handle things in a healthy way. The moral of the story though is if people like this are in your life and you are gaining nothing from the relationship and only giving to it, and constantly feeling stressed out because of it you need to let go. Relationships do take work there is no doubt about that. But you should always feel safe and loved by your partner or friend, and you should trust them. Toxic partners or friends constantly violate our boundaries of safety and trust, and this can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety where there needs not be any.
Acceptance – At the end of the day you cannot change anyone, just yourself. Healthy people take healthy actions, and like other things in life being healthy mind, body, and soul is about choosing to take healthy steps. Eliminating toxic people and sources from your life is a great first step to a healthy new you in this new year.
If you’re looking to gain more information on your particular situation, you can always request a reading from me HERE.